Time Flies By When You're Living

Once again I find myself stumbling onto my blog and realizing that it has been over two months since my last post. To blog or not to blog.. that is the question I often ask myself. I find myself writing novels and posting questions in my mind as I'm teaching, rock climbing, camping, sitting at the top of a mountain. But when I return to my computer in the comfort of my own home its like my mind is shut off and my desire to put my thoughts and wonders out into the universe has lost its charm and motivation. Sometimes I wish I had the same amount of motivation to relax, reflect, and share life that I do to climb. However, for me, I find it hard to sit. To be still. To sleep. This is what I want to work on, starting with today as I sit and type out an updated post on me, my adventures, and my plans.

Nepal was truly a life-changing experience. Everyday something new and unique happened. Everyday I met someone who touched my soul in ways I cannot express. It created in me a desire to be more, to do more, then what I thought I was capable of. Putting myself through a summer of traveling, I look back and realized the exploring was more of me getting to know me then of me sightseeing and climbing. When in Nepal I made a wonderful new friend, Neelam, who taught me a lot about life through her stories. She was telling me about her culture, family life, and traditions. Women in Nepal are now slowly but surely allowed to pursue an education and careers, but that doesn't mean they have let go of their traditions of arranged marriages and living with and serving their husbands and families for their entire lives. This didn't seem to bother her though. She loved so much her family and the men in her life. You can tell she had a genuine passion to serve them, to love them, and to be a part of her family. Family was not a question, it was a necessity. Community was not an option, it was a necessity. When I was her age I ran away to college then ran away to Colorado. I thought being an adult and a woman meant you had to prove yourself capable and you had to do it on your own. I explained to another friend, Ashok, who I met in Nepal that that was my mentality. He asked, "why?" Why would you want to leave your family? Why do women feel they need to "fight" and be "independent"? I'm not sure.. why do we?

Since Nepal I've been working with some organizations and educational communities that promote the education and job opportunity of women both nationally in the USA and internationally. It's been great and I'm really developing a passion to understand and communicate better on the ideas of investing in women who then invest back into their families and communities.

My love to be in the mountains has grown even more since Nepal as well. I've been climbing a whole lot and have really improved my technique and strength. I've invested in personal training and every weekend I'm pushing my limits on endurance, strength, and technique. I want to know more about climbing big peaks.. and then I want to climb them. There's so much to be learned from climbing that can be applied to leadership. Characteristics such as patience, humbleness, perseverance, and finding contentment in one's abilities. I have found that being a young adult woman in the world is much like being a young adult female climber. I have the choice to power up mountains at my own speed without any climbing partners. I can view the sites from the top, check the peaks off my "to-do" list, and climb down alone knowing I am capable. OR I can team up with others and work together to climb high, climb strong, and accomplish goals. I really don't like this idea of "fighting" for a position in relationships, in career, in the world in general. I'd rather be on a team. Sometimes I'm the strongest, the fastest, the most knowledgeable.. the leader. And sometimes I'm not and the men on my team are the ones helping me and the rest of the team get up and down the rocks. What Neelam taught me was there is room to pursue my own passions and yet allow others to invest in me and me to invest in relationships. That it's ok to be a woman, a wife, a mother, a girlfriend, and a professional, and a mountaineer. I think its much better that way. Who ever came up with the idea that this was America and you got to fight for your right to be at the top was a coward. I think it takes much more strength and character to relax, to serve, to love others and allow others to love you. To want to be a part of a team, a family, a community and want to balance between relationships and work.

The team at Three Sisters is really trying to accomplish is not to overpower men on the mountain, but rather that women are capable to be on the same hill side. How are we expected to survive if we can't allow good positive change? Without change there is not growth, and without growth what's the point of life? So we can our attitudes, our viewpoints. We say "yes women can be educated, can work and contribute" But we don't have to then rule out the responsibility of women to be mothers and wives. There's room for both.

I'm reading "Breaking Trail" by Arlene Blum and it is literally rocking my soul.. no pun intended. She is a scientist, a mountaineer, a servant to the needy, and a woman. She desires relationships.. family.. love. She's not afraid to write that she struggles up mountains and isn't as strong as her male climbing partners. But that doesn't defeat her desire or ability to lead expeditions up the world's highest and toughest peaks. That doesn't stop her from pursuing her career in science. She's not fighting for her spot in a male dominated lab. She's working along side other scientists, gender regardless, to make discoveries and find solutions. My soul connects so much with her and her stories. She's brilliant and so inspiring. And she started all of this when she was my age.

I came back from Alaska to find a lot about me had changed. Not just inner-being stuff, but relationships I had left the states had changed when I returned. Friends got married, roommates moved out, new roommates moved in, family situations happened, teaching had become more a part of my life then expected, the idea of grad school came into the picture, new partnerships started, and my once "activity" of climbing, both rock and mountaineering, has now become a life style.

I want to know more about what it is that truly makes a community grow. I want to understand why we need money, politics, good leadership, equality, education, etc. and to effectively implement not only the idea of change into society but change itself. Real change which starts by changing the way we think.. communicate.. react.

I want to climb bigger peaks and see the world the way some of the great mountaineers have, the way Arlene Blum has. I'm planning on returning to Nepal.. hopefully shortly if life allows. But I'm also building the plan and hopefully team to head up Mt. Rainier next summer. I'll start there, and then move on to Denali, Annapurna I-IV & South, and who knows where else. Why not? Who says I can't? And who says I won't? I already proved to myself that I can carry my own in Nepal, where else can I go? How high can I climb? What else can I learn? But be assured I didn't go to Nepal alone. I had an amazing support team both during my trip and after and I won't go anywhere else or do anything else in life alone either. The peaks and valleys in our lives will come and go, but what is most important is the team you have alongside of you during those times. Climbing alone sometimes can be nice, we all need our personal time, but in the end you have no one to celebrate the summit with. And when you get stuck on a cliff in a blizzard with all your gear frozen to the rock alongside your numb body, the only thing that really matters is who is there freezing their fingers and toes off with you.

I don't know what this whole ramble was really about. Time really is flying by and I love it. Some people look at their age or the time of year and moan/groan, but I think every new number and every new season is a new opportunity to have a good time and get crazy pursuing life. So my challenge to you is to seek the absolute joy in every moment and to make sure you aren't seeking it alone. My challenge to myself is to not get so ahead of myself. To slow down and bit and find it ok not to be out climbing and shooting video every second of every day ;) (But boy that does sound like a dream life to me!)

My second challenge is to keep up on this blog. If someone is actually reading this then hold me to it. Hopefully it's interesting. It feels good to get this out of my head and put it out into the world.

Namaste

My friend Brian & I at the top of Mt. Oxford in Colorado, 14,153 ft